Last Day of 2012

It's the last day of year 2012, and we didn't die yay!! Thank god for letting me continuing my life. So, last year i made a new year resolution for year 2012 and it goes like this.

this year, i wish to...
#1  Think less
#2  Get a job that pays a good amount (in the process weee!)
#3  Be confident!
#4  Be who I want to be not others want me to be
#5  Travel
#6  Find myself (i'm alwiz confused)
#7  Watching every episode of How I Met Your Mother
#8  Accept my insecurities
#9  Be a better person to the people around me (be less hot-tempered)
#10 Become less shy
#11 Redecorate my room
#12 Appreciate the little things
#13 Get back together with my true love
#14 Get an Iphone Get a Note 2 already
#15 Get a little bit taller (imma shorty just so you know)
#16 Watch the sunrise at the beach
#17 Learn a Nicki Minaj song
#18 Buy a pair of gorgeous heels
#19 Learn how to play the guitar
#20 Read more
#21 Find someone who will treat me right, get rid of those who treat me wrong
#22 Be happy
#23 Road Trip with friends
#24 Start saving money
#25 Go on camping with friends
#26 Learn another language (Korean,maybe?)
#27 Be strong!
#28 Get my first Nike shoes
#29 Adopt sugar glider
#30 Learn how to sing properly
#31 Spend more time with family
#32 Play in the rain
#33 Go on a trip with WOPPY

I've only done half of the resolutions i made last year. hmm... maybe i was too greedy? but i'm still happy that half of it achieved! especially those things that i get for myself unexpectedly. heheh... maybe i should start working on 2013 RESOLUTION and make sure the items are more achievable.

how have you guys been doing lately? ready to party tonight to embrace 2013 with joy?? haha.. i wish you all the best for the new year and most important, BE HAPPY!

xoxo

You will be missed... Ma Ma

i woke up around 11am today... the day was a bit cloudy.
i was a bit busy sending emails to my lecturer, and i received a call from my brother.
it was 2.16 pm, and i was thinking why my brother call me at that time.
brother said dad called him just now. it was about my ma-ma (babysitter), she passed away...
few days ago mom did told me about her illness. both her kidneys were already failed to function and her legs were swelling. so when i go back to Kuantan during sem break she'll bring me to meet ma-ma again.
i thought she could wait a little bit longer until i go back. now that ma-ma left, i feel a bit sad, as i haven't seen her for the last time. dad said she'll be buried in Kelantan, so i hope i could go and pay respect when i visit Kelantan.

my ma-ma took care of me since i was very little, two years old i guess. we had a lot of fun and one of the strongest memory i had with her was this funny scene. she asked me and my younger brother to drink and do the gulp sound. she demonstrated it to us. i also remember my brother used to shit in his pants, but she didn't scold us, instead she talked to us nicely. she's a really nice woman, i don't remember any time that she got angry actually... such a sweet lady.

This is my ma-ma and the happy me :D

after ma-ma stop taking care of us and went back to Kelantan, i haven't seen her for a long long time. i couldn't get used to going kindergarten and i cried every morning. she just made me feel so safe, and fun staying home. my mom and ma-ma's daughters said i was the apple of her eyes as she didn't have any granddaughter yet that time. she sayang me so much! all these pictures when i was young were taken from her album that she kept it with her all the time.

mom told me that ma-ma was a bit sick during this year's CNY, and all of us went to visit her at ma-ma's daughter house. she was so happy and keep laughing non stop. and she brought out all the old pictures and joke about them (we used to be very naughty, and my bro was really fat) haha...

Ma-ma's little granddaughter has grown up!

this doll was made specially for me by ma-ma. i'm a blissful kid ain't i? the most precious gift from a person who doesn't have any bloodline with me. :)

ma-ma, i hope you're living in peace in heaven. and i will really miss you. thanks for taking care of me like my own grandmother :') I Love You!

To Mr. Inspiration

i just had something to say to you, but i don't know how to begin with, so i wrote it down instead...

in my life, there're some people who can really inspired me and influence me, and one of them is YOU... this is rare. well, not to say that i liked you before this so i think you inspired me, but it's because of your character itself that makes me inspired. i had no reason to tell you why i'm inspired by you, but i know some of the reasons i couldn't tell because it's about a guy who hurt me a lot in my life.

i was a girl who desperately wanting to be loved, and i was afraid to be lonely, still a lil bit like that till now though...i would do anything just to keep my partner happy, and i'll listened to him so that he could just stay by my side. but the more i did that, the more i felt like i was not being appreciated... and there came all the resentful feelings towards him, and i'll still go back to him somehow. feeling helpless... all because i'm afraid to be lonely...so i just listened to my EX.

many once told me this, "Hui Chien, just let him go, don't bother him anymore, don't contact him anymore" etc. it's easy to be said, but it's really hard to be done, just so you know... and i'm really scared coz i've been that way for few years! however, few months ago, i met you... things started to change... to a good side. (if it sounds to cliche i'm so sorry heehee)

i could somehow feel that your words are very motivating. the way you spoke is different, maybe you don't sound like you're blaming like others did. you've heard about all the problems i used to had with the EX, and what you really said that awakened me was the most annoying words i've ever heard in my life. you said something about what i did is not worth the value i had for myself something like that. i was really really angry at you, but i started to think back, maybe it's true... maybe i wasn't respecting myself all this while...

i used to be a happy girl, don't give a fuck on whatever people did, don't care about what people might think and i just love hanging out with my friends so much. and i've changed completely throughout that two years, that two dysfunctional years, because of a man. kinda disappointed with myself, for making myself fall into this state, but what's past is not going to be the future. still recovering from that memory.

i don't know whether you are reading this, but i really wanna thank you for waking me up. thank you for your influence. thank you for making me realize how high value i need to put for myself. don't know what will happen in the future but for now i'm gonna take control of myself. still feel a bit embarrassed though that you forced me to admit that i like you, i hated you for that. should never be so stupid to admit anything to you anymore, lesson learned, haha. i just hope we could hang out like we used to again, relaxing friendship time. just don't relate yourself to my ex again, i don't like you to remind me of him, and you guys are not the same person after all. :) miss you, inspirational friend.

pls don't forget about the scuba diving plan next year! i've been waiting for it for YEARS!!! weee!

Turning 21...

it's been raining every day lately, every evening around 4pm, with thunder and lightnings...
i don't like lightnings and thunders, they made me scared. i don't like it to rain every day either, it makes the weather cool but sticky, and my mood turns to be as gloomy as the dark sky...

i'm turning 21 in two days... wow... i should feel happy, but for real, i don't feel so...
am i weird? i don't know...
21... a very important number. so in Chinese family, usually we'll receive a gold key pendant as a symbol of FREEDOM. so after you get the key, you should have the freedom and you can take control and make decision in your life. i'm not sure whether mom is going to give me gold key, but that doesn't matter, coz i don't really wear accessories... and i think i had enough freedom from her for now...
21... it's the beginning of adulthood. what i mean by that is that i'm no longer a teenager, i can start voting, if i conduct a crime i'll be put into jail, not rehab center... and all sorts of things will change like people will expect you to act like an adult, behave like an adult... oh ya not to forget about credit cards... salespersons start swarming towards you coz you're finally able to be one of their customer! and bills, responsibilities.... etc...

well, i don't know why i'm feeling moody. somehow, i feel like it's a changing point from what i used to be and what i want to be... i wanna be a better person after this of course! have been training for it already... i told my friend that my birthday is coming soon, so excited while talking about it but i just feel that something is missing, and i don't know what is it...

that day is a Thursday, people will be busy with classes, so am i... some of my friends (Fifi and Lily) already gave me my birthday presents as they have left to their hometown for good, i wanna thank them so much! the older i grow, the less i care about the presents actually, as long as you have the heart. but i'll still keep it :) oh yah, that's a Thursday, middle of the semester, when everyone is busy. haha what a good day! -,- i wish i could celebrate this special day with my family but they're not going to be here on that day... my old schoolmates WOPPY, none of them will be here too... and also AWEPIC... some are busy with work, some are too far away, and some even sulk like a kid until today... i would rather change all my presents with their presence, to see me blowing my candles, to watch me grow up...
......it just won't happen, i know... and i'm crying right now knowing that i couldn't get my biggest wish fulfilled. :'(

so dear god, if you can hear me... i just wish that day will be a happy day for me, even though those people can't be here with me on Thursday... it shouldn't be a sad day after all, it's my 21st birthday...

Last Day of 2011

let me count, it is 5 hours to midnight, and today is the last day of year 2011... wow that is really fast. i feel like everything just happened yesterday. okay, so it is time for new year again! new wishes, new goals, and new person, maybe? hehe.. i think i have grew up a lot in this 1 year, and of course i have learnt a lot by living alone too.. still single brrrr.... to those that i had treated them badly this year without reason, i'm sorry for my wrongdoing. i hope you'll forgive me :) and to those that i knew this year, welcome to my world. to those that have been my friends from last time, thank you for still be my lovely friends, love you people! to those that trying to do bad for me, someday you'll get your karma, no worries. hmm, from time to time, i'll sound a bit snobbish, or even annoying, so sorry for that. and sometimes, i get too excited or too moody, thank you for sharing those times with me. err, what else to say? i think that's all for this post, here's a little new year's eve song, a very sweet one, enjoy!! oh ya, and enjoy your 2012 too!! =)

oh ya and to those who want to propose to their partners, maybe this video will help you? just saw it few days ago, it is so sweeeeeeet!