You will be missed... Ma Ma

i woke up around 11am today... the day was a bit cloudy.
i was a bit busy sending emails to my lecturer, and i received a call from my brother.
it was 2.16 pm, and i was thinking why my brother call me at that time.
brother said dad called him just now. it was about my ma-ma (babysitter), she passed away...
few days ago mom did told me about her illness. both her kidneys were already failed to function and her legs were swelling. so when i go back to Kuantan during sem break she'll bring me to meet ma-ma again.
i thought she could wait a little bit longer until i go back. now that ma-ma left, i feel a bit sad, as i haven't seen her for the last time. dad said she'll be buried in Kelantan, so i hope i could go and pay respect when i visit Kelantan.

my ma-ma took care of me since i was very little, two years old i guess. we had a lot of fun and one of the strongest memory i had with her was this funny scene. she asked me and my younger brother to drink and do the gulp sound. she demonstrated it to us. i also remember my brother used to shit in his pants, but she didn't scold us, instead she talked to us nicely. she's a really nice woman, i don't remember any time that she got angry actually... such a sweet lady.

This is my ma-ma and the happy me :D

after ma-ma stop taking care of us and went back to Kelantan, i haven't seen her for a long long time. i couldn't get used to going kindergarten and i cried every morning. she just made me feel so safe, and fun staying home. my mom and ma-ma's daughters said i was the apple of her eyes as she didn't have any granddaughter yet that time. she sayang me so much! all these pictures when i was young were taken from her album that she kept it with her all the time.

mom told me that ma-ma was a bit sick during this year's CNY, and all of us went to visit her at ma-ma's daughter house. she was so happy and keep laughing non stop. and she brought out all the old pictures and joke about them (we used to be very naughty, and my bro was really fat) haha...

Ma-ma's little granddaughter has grown up!

this doll was made specially for me by ma-ma. i'm a blissful kid ain't i? the most precious gift from a person who doesn't have any bloodline with me. :)

ma-ma, i hope you're living in peace in heaven. and i will really miss you. thanks for taking care of me like my own grandmother :') I Love You!

Turning 21...

it's been raining every day lately, every evening around 4pm, with thunder and lightnings...
i don't like lightnings and thunders, they made me scared. i don't like it to rain every day either, it makes the weather cool but sticky, and my mood turns to be as gloomy as the dark sky...

i'm turning 21 in two days... wow... i should feel happy, but for real, i don't feel so...
am i weird? i don't know...
21... a very important number. so in Chinese family, usually we'll receive a gold key pendant as a symbol of FREEDOM. so after you get the key, you should have the freedom and you can take control and make decision in your life. i'm not sure whether mom is going to give me gold key, but that doesn't matter, coz i don't really wear accessories... and i think i had enough freedom from her for now...
21... it's the beginning of adulthood. what i mean by that is that i'm no longer a teenager, i can start voting, if i conduct a crime i'll be put into jail, not rehab center... and all sorts of things will change like people will expect you to act like an adult, behave like an adult... oh ya not to forget about credit cards... salespersons start swarming towards you coz you're finally able to be one of their customer! and bills, responsibilities.... etc...

well, i don't know why i'm feeling moody. somehow, i feel like it's a changing point from what i used to be and what i want to be... i wanna be a better person after this of course! have been training for it already... i told my friend that my birthday is coming soon, so excited while talking about it but i just feel that something is missing, and i don't know what is it...

that day is a Thursday, people will be busy with classes, so am i... some of my friends (Fifi and Lily) already gave me my birthday presents as they have left to their hometown for good, i wanna thank them so much! the older i grow, the less i care about the presents actually, as long as you have the heart. but i'll still keep it :) oh yah, that's a Thursday, middle of the semester, when everyone is busy. haha what a good day! -,- i wish i could celebrate this special day with my family but they're not going to be here on that day... my old schoolmates WOPPY, none of them will be here too... and also AWEPIC... some are busy with work, some are too far away, and some even sulk like a kid until today... i would rather change all my presents with their presence, to see me blowing my candles, to watch me grow up...
......it just won't happen, i know... and i'm crying right now knowing that i couldn't get my biggest wish fulfilled. :'(

so dear god, if you can hear me... i just wish that day will be a happy day for me, even though those people can't be here with me on Thursday... it shouldn't be a sad day after all, it's my 21st birthday...

Popo, I Miss You

last Sunday, i went to work but it was lunch time, so i went to buy a pizza in Jusco. there's an old lady who didn't really know how to speak in BM so she seek help from me. she wanted a hawaiian chicken and a tuna pizza. so i helped her until she paid the bill. i asked her, "are you buying these back home?" she said, yeah, i wanna buy them for my grandchildren, they love pizzas. she made me think of my popo.

my popo is not here anymore. probably she's at some beautiful country in the heaven now. she used to buy food for me too, then she will say, "when you know how to earn money, then you belanja me makan ok?" she always cooked nice food like Hainan kuih, bi pang gong, and all those dishes with pork, chicken, bla bla bla. owh yah, she can really cook nice Hainan chicken rice, erm, coz she's from Hainan Island?

i cried whenever i miss her. but i didn't drop a tear during her funeral, coz i personally think it's not good to weep everyday in front of her coffin. plus, i really felt angry that few days too because of some stupid aunties. don't wanna talk about it, they're just a bunch of double-faced snake.

i remember i treated her very badly when i was younger. in fact, i treat everyone badly. i hit everyone and i didn't listen, and i shouted to everyone that tried to command me. hated her so much that time, but it was quite fun playing all around and got beaten up sometimes. childhood times, who never get scoldings or some whips from the rattan they hid on the cupboard? hahaha. as i grow older, i still did that to her, and everyone. that's my rebellious period. no one can control me. of course, in my house, we don't show love like other families. she might feel that we don't really treat her like others do, but we do love her. she'll complain and compare us with other kids that she had but we don't really care. there's no need to show off to get your love.

then, i grew older again. i don't really fool her around anymore. instead, i love her cooking, and whenever i'm at her house, she'll buy breakfast for us, nasi minyak with kuah daging, i love it the most. she walked to the stall early in the morning to buy them. and in the evening, she'll ask me or my bro to go to the supermarket behind called Astaka to buy things. and we will use a small road as a shortcut. whenever she passed by the road, there's a lot of pak cik lepak there. she'll tell them that, "ni cucu saya" ;) she'll proudly say that. hahaha.

i once talked to her about boyfriend. and she said, find a European bf. i guess that's her dream because the Europeans were really rich in older times. that's the funniest thing that she had ever said to me. and, whenever i'm naughty, she'll still hug me and kiss me with her cold-wrinkled skin. i love her so much..

i hope you're doing fine, popo. i miss you.

33 wishes of year 2012

wow, wishes do come true huh? I LIKE IT! happy new year to everyone! hope you have a good kickstart of 2012 like me, at least for now :) i have 2 cats at home, and they're gone when my family were off for holiday for a week. the stray dogs invaded my house and i can't find my cats for weeks. i wished for them to come back, miss them so much, and i were afraid that they're eaten by the dogs or the construction workers nearby. but no worries, 1 of the cats is back home today! where's your girlfriend kitty? she found a new boyfriend already? hahaha. just joking. oh ya, and i wished to get some jobs to start earning more money, and guess what, a friend just called and offer me a job yay!!! i'm so happy that what i wished become true, thank god! so, it's new year, everyone has their new year resolution, so do i...

this year, i wish to...
#1  Think less
#2  Get a job that pays a good amount (in the process weee!)
#3  Be confident!
#4  Be who I want to be not others want me to be
#5  Travel
#6  Find myself (i'm alwiz confused)
#7  Watching every episode of How I Met Your Mother
#8  Accept my insecurities
#9  Be a better person to the people around me (be less hot-tempered)
#10 Become less shy
#11 Redecorate my room
#12 Appreciate the little things
#13 Get back together with my true love
#14 Get an Iphone
#15 Get a little bit taller (imma shorty just so you know)
#16 Watch the sunrise at the beach
#17 Learn a Nicki Minaj song
#18 Buy a pair of gorgeous heels
#19 Learn how to play the guitar
#20 Read more
#21 Find someone who will treat me right, get rid of those who treat me wrong
#22 Be happy
#23 Road Trip with friends
#24 Start saving money
#25 Go on camping with friends
#26 Learn another language (Korean,maybe?)
#27 Be strong!
#28 Get my first Nike shoes
#29 Adopt sugar glider
#30 Learn how to sing properly
#31 Spend more time with family
#32 Play in the rain
#33 Go on a trip with WOPPY

*some of the ideas are taken from Fashion is My Drug. thank you for inspiring me! haaa these are my wishes for now. hopefully it is achieved by the end of this year. i wish, pray hard! enjoy your new year everyone!

Silent Night, not at all hehehe!

i wonder why people say that Christmas eve is a silent night. but, it is not at all as we were all so loud and you could heard our voices on the street! so, finally after a weekend of holidays, finally it is Christmas! as usual, every Christmas eve i'll have dinner with my family and relatives in my aunty's house. and she will cook a lotttttt of nice food to serve us. everyone was busy on that day, some busy setting up the living room and dining table, some were busy cooking at the kitchen, and some were busy wrapping Christmas gift (you know, everyone loves to be santa =D ) after all the work, the Christmas eve party has finally begun. everyone was already hungry, so talk less eat more hehehehe

we had many food on that night, like turkey, speghetti bolognaise specially made by my aunt, nasi briyani, salad and many more. yum yum yum! oh ya and not to forget wines wines wines! every year people will buy red wines and we'll all try them.

 a very big Gingerbreadman. bought from a hotel. it's very hard and spicy!

 how can you forget me?? i'm the cutest kid in the family. 

 our Christmas trees and the presents.... they filled up the under tree.

beautiful gingerbreadhouse.

after all the dinner and talking, present-giving time was earlier this year. we all get our presents around 10p.m. usually, the whole living room will be very crowded as we will swarm to get our presents near the tree. 

 trying their christmas gift. so happy!!

 this is cassandra with allllllll her presents.

angry face. why do we still get angry birds as a present at this age? >.< hahaha

i love having gatherings like this at my relative's house every christmas. good food, good feeling and we all get presents! and it's the time where cousins meet, for my family. hmm, it's late, so we ended our christmas eve by going to The Library for beers. only for 18 above of course. hehehe. Happy Christmas!