You will be missed... Ma Ma

i woke up around 11am today... the day was a bit cloudy.
i was a bit busy sending emails to my lecturer, and i received a call from my brother.
it was 2.16 pm, and i was thinking why my brother call me at that time.
brother said dad called him just now. it was about my ma-ma (babysitter), she passed away...
few days ago mom did told me about her illness. both her kidneys were already failed to function and her legs were swelling. so when i go back to Kuantan during sem break she'll bring me to meet ma-ma again.
i thought she could wait a little bit longer until i go back. now that ma-ma left, i feel a bit sad, as i haven't seen her for the last time. dad said she'll be buried in Kelantan, so i hope i could go and pay respect when i visit Kelantan.

my ma-ma took care of me since i was very little, two years old i guess. we had a lot of fun and one of the strongest memory i had with her was this funny scene. she asked me and my younger brother to drink and do the gulp sound. she demonstrated it to us. i also remember my brother used to shit in his pants, but she didn't scold us, instead she talked to us nicely. she's a really nice woman, i don't remember any time that she got angry actually... such a sweet lady.

This is my ma-ma and the happy me :D

after ma-ma stop taking care of us and went back to Kelantan, i haven't seen her for a long long time. i couldn't get used to going kindergarten and i cried every morning. she just made me feel so safe, and fun staying home. my mom and ma-ma's daughters said i was the apple of her eyes as she didn't have any granddaughter yet that time. she sayang me so much! all these pictures when i was young were taken from her album that she kept it with her all the time.

mom told me that ma-ma was a bit sick during this year's CNY, and all of us went to visit her at ma-ma's daughter house. she was so happy and keep laughing non stop. and she brought out all the old pictures and joke about them (we used to be very naughty, and my bro was really fat) haha...

Ma-ma's little granddaughter has grown up!

this doll was made specially for me by ma-ma. i'm a blissful kid ain't i? the most precious gift from a person who doesn't have any bloodline with me. :)

ma-ma, i hope you're living in peace in heaven. and i will really miss you. thanks for taking care of me like my own grandmother :') I Love You!

Six Degrees of Separation maybe?

i've been moody these few days. no, these few weeks should be, since before my birthday. and i don't really know why. felt like i have something in my heart indescribable, something i wish to get, or solve, or find, I JUST DON'T KNOW. it's really hard to know the answer, like some sort of finding my soul bleerhhh don't know... or maybe i don't have enough chocolates lately? it's annoying to be in this state. can't move forward, can't move backward too... bet some people had experienced this feeling before, or maybe just me?

well, i came across this song today. it's from The Script. love this band because of the style they sing. well this song is a bit special. i don't usually check out a person/band's new song right after they released a news about their new songs, but this time, i just did. so i checked out the song, it is named "Six Degrees of Separation"  and it goes like the lyric below

You've read the books, 
You've watched the shows, 
What's the best way no one knows, yeah, 
Meditate, get hypnotized. 
Anything to take from your mind. 
But it won't go 

You're doing all these things out of desperation, 
Ohhh woah, 
You're going through six degrees of separation. 

You hit the drink, you take a toll 
Watch the past go up in smoke. 
Fake a smile, yeah, lie and say that, 
I'm better now than ever, and your life's okay 
Well it's not. No 
You're doing all these things out of desperation, 
Ohhh woah, 
You're going through six degrees of separation. 

First, you think the worst is a broken heart 
What's gonna kill you is the second part 
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle 
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself 
Fifth, you see them out with someone else 
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little. 

(No, no, there ain't no help, it's every man for himself) 

You tell your friends, yeah, strangers too, 
Anyone'll throw an arm around you, yeah 
Tarot cards 
Gems and stones, 
Believing all that shit is gonna heal your soul. 
We'll it's not, no 

You're only doing things out of desperation, 
Ohhh woah, 
You're goin' through six degrees of separation. 

First, you think the worst is a broken heart 
What's gonna kill you is the second part 
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle 
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself 
Fifth, you see them out with someone else 
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little. 

No there's no starting over, 
Without finding closure, 
You'd take them back, 
No hesitation, 
That's when you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation 

No there's no starting over, 
Without finding closure, 
You'd take them back, 
No hesitation, 
That's when you know you've reached the sixth Degree of separation 

First, you think the worst is a broken heart 
What's gonna kill you is the second part 
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle 
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself 
Fifth, you see them out with someone else 
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little.

i don't know why, i feel like the lyrics are talking to me. maybe i do feel sad and pain and emotional all the time because i'm going through the six degree of separation? maybe i'm really doing things out of desperation? that's why i'm demanding something else from other people all the time? maybe it's a sign that i should not be desperate in many things in my life? especially in all my relationships? i saw this in Twitter yesterday, "If you aren't happy being single you will never be happy in a relationship. Get you own life and love it first, then share it." probably desperation is the root of all my problems. maybe i should just let go of certain things, bit by bit...

33 wishes of year 2012

wow, wishes do come true huh? I LIKE IT! happy new year to everyone! hope you have a good kickstart of 2012 like me, at least for now :) i have 2 cats at home, and they're gone when my family were off for holiday for a week. the stray dogs invaded my house and i can't find my cats for weeks. i wished for them to come back, miss them so much, and i were afraid that they're eaten by the dogs or the construction workers nearby. but no worries, 1 of the cats is back home today! where's your girlfriend kitty? she found a new boyfriend already? hahaha. just joking. oh ya, and i wished to get some jobs to start earning more money, and guess what, a friend just called and offer me a job yay!!! i'm so happy that what i wished become true, thank god! so, it's new year, everyone has their new year resolution, so do i...

this year, i wish to...
#1  Think less
#2  Get a job that pays a good amount (in the process weee!)
#3  Be confident!
#4  Be who I want to be not others want me to be
#5  Travel
#6  Find myself (i'm alwiz confused)
#7  Watching every episode of How I Met Your Mother
#8  Accept my insecurities
#9  Be a better person to the people around me (be less hot-tempered)
#10 Become less shy
#11 Redecorate my room
#12 Appreciate the little things
#13 Get back together with my true love
#14 Get an Iphone
#15 Get a little bit taller (imma shorty just so you know)
#16 Watch the sunrise at the beach
#17 Learn a Nicki Minaj song
#18 Buy a pair of gorgeous heels
#19 Learn how to play the guitar
#20 Read more
#21 Find someone who will treat me right, get rid of those who treat me wrong
#22 Be happy
#23 Road Trip with friends
#24 Start saving money
#25 Go on camping with friends
#26 Learn another language (Korean,maybe?)
#27 Be strong!
#28 Get my first Nike shoes
#29 Adopt sugar glider
#30 Learn how to sing properly
#31 Spend more time with family
#32 Play in the rain
#33 Go on a trip with WOPPY

*some of the ideas are taken from Fashion is My Drug. thank you for inspiring me! haaa these are my wishes for now. hopefully it is achieved by the end of this year. i wish, pray hard! enjoy your new year everyone!

Rain Rain Rain, when will you stop?

ahhh, it has been raining for days now. from morning to night. it is common here in Kuantan, as it is the monsoon season now. but you know, when it rains everyday, it is hard for everyone to go out, especially to the beach. i remember the last time i went to the beach was 2 days ago and the sea water was brown in color and the waves are so high... this is not a suitable season to do outdoor activities. :(

anyhow, i have lots of things to do at home, unlike some of my friends. kekeke! it is just that i am craving for food from time to time because it is very COLD~~~ i keep feeling hungry and i have not eaten the famous curry noodles near Teluk Chempedak and the lambchop near Tanjung Lumpur yet. come back from KL still need to eat things like KFC, McD and hot n' roll... this is boring... hmmm...

rain rain rain, when will you STOP and let the Sun comes out? hmm? :)

 this is Teluk Chempedak during August time. beautiful beach isn't it?

 shells all over the beach... there will be people kayaking and playing with yacht too

 and kites!!

 with my friend, we call her Miss P!

Lynn is sending love to the world hahaha