it's been raining every day lately, every evening around 4pm, with thunder and lightnings...
i don't like lightnings and thunders, they made me scared. i don't like it to rain every day either, it makes the weather cool but sticky, and my mood turns to be as gloomy as the dark sky...
i'm turning 21 in two days... wow... i should feel happy, but for real, i don't feel so...
am i weird? i don't know...
21... a very important number. so in Chinese family, usually we'll receive a gold key pendant as a symbol of FREEDOM. so after you get the key, you should have the freedom and you can take control and make decision in your life. i'm not sure whether mom is going to give me gold key, but that doesn't matter, coz i don't really wear accessories... and i think i had enough freedom from her for now...
21... it's the beginning of adulthood. what i mean by that is that i'm no longer a teenager, i can start voting, if i conduct a crime i'll be put into jail, not rehab center... and all sorts of things will change like people will expect you to act like an adult, behave like an adult... oh ya not to forget about credit cards... salespersons start swarming towards you coz you're finally able to be one of their customer! and bills, responsibilities.... etc...
well, i don't know why i'm feeling moody. somehow, i feel like it's a changing point from what i used to be and what i want to be... i wanna be a better person after this of course! have been training for it already... i told my friend that my birthday is coming soon, so excited while talking about it but i just feel that something is missing, and i don't know what is it...
that day is a Thursday, people will be busy with classes, so am i... some of my friends (Fifi and Lily) already gave me my birthday presents as they have left to their hometown for good, i wanna thank them so much! the older i grow, the less i care about the presents actually, as long as you have the heart. but i'll still keep it :) oh yah, that's a Thursday, middle of the semester, when everyone is busy. haha what a good day! -,- i wish i could celebrate this special day with my family but they're not going to be here on that day... my old schoolmates WOPPY, none of them will be here too... and also AWEPIC... some are busy with work, some are too far away, and some even sulk like a kid until today... i would rather change all my presents with their presence, to see me blowing my candles, to watch me grow up...
......it just won't happen, i know... and i'm crying right now knowing that i couldn't get my biggest wish fulfilled. :'(
so dear god, if you can hear me... i just wish that day will be a happy day for me, even though those people can't be here with me on Thursday... it shouldn't be a sad day after all, it's my 21st birthday...
